So, Old Bone here was lying in bed the other night and while flipping through 200 some odd channels of absolute shit and smoking too many cigarettes, I felt something weird in my belly. It was like butterflies or something, anyway the feeling worked its way down into my cock. The next thing I knew, I’m lying there with one of my famous Rocky Bal-Boners. No reason why, just happened. Anyway I knew I’d never get to sleep while the beast was stirring, so I decided to hop online and find myself some good old internet porn to help me out. I sat down and thought for a moment, “What was am I in the mood for tonight?” I spun my options around in my head like a giant pornographic wheel of fortune and when it stopped, I looked down and low and behold, Anal was the winner for the evening. Now you might think to yourself, hey that’s easy, just search for the first anal site you can find and let her rip, but that’s not how old Bone here works. I can’t just jerk it to anything; it’s got to be good. I decided that I was going to find 4 Anal sites and since I had a “Rocky Bal-Boner” and not a “Ram-Boner” I would let them duke it out, Super Punch Out style. I also decided to give you the blow by blow just in case you ever find yourself in the same situation some late night.
So here we go ladies and gentlemen, 4 rounds of world championship anal boxing. Who will win? Who’s got what it takes? Which site is worthy of old Bones load? Read on friends, read on…
The bell rings. The dust clears. The crowd sits there stunned. Well not really. You’ll never guess who won this championship, Ok, you probably will. I wish I could say it was one of the underdogs but alas, it was, Hustlers Anal Hookers. Big fucking surprise right.
Here’s the way it played out.
ATX Networtks Anal Breakers.com came to the ring and lasted a few rounds. They had hot chicks and high quality video and pictures. This was not enough to save them from a lousy free tour and a lack of anal exclusive content. The stuff that is here is great and I personally love the ATX Network, so don’t write it off, and just don’t join it looking for a ton of anal content. I would have loved to see ATX last longer in this fight but they went down pretty quick, and not the good way. Read the full Anal Breakers Review »
Torbe Network brought their Heal My Ass.com to the ring armed with a cool looking free tour full of hot chicks dressed up in costumes, everything from nurses, to nuns and a girl in a chicken mask. Everything looked good for this fighter until the bell rang and I entered the site. Quality was this fighter’s downfall. The videos were cool and the costumes and scenarios made me laugh, but fuck man I shot better looking stuff with my $100 digital video camera. I mean come on guys save a few dollars on costumes and buy a fucking camera. I wanted to like this site, I really did, but I couldn’t and the site got knocked down. The referee got to 8 in his count and Heal My Ass was back to its feet based on the fact that I wanted to see the chicken mask girl video. When I clicked on it something completely different played, something that contained no chicken masks. It was a “clucking” disaster and the site got floored and didn’t get back up. Read the full Heal My Ass Review »
21 Sextury jumped into the ring with Anal Teen Angels.com. It lasted a good 8 rounds. It has hot young chicks, great high quality videos, and a huge network with plenty of other anal sites. Again not a ton of content but the network and especially the quality of the videos really kept this one fighting for a while. Lots of updates and gaping assholes kept this one going but, alas, there can be only one. Read the full Anal Teen Angels Review »
Hustlers Anal Hookers.com stands, almost unscathed, on the bloody pile of sites it just beat the shit out of. The quality of the site is first rate, the chicks, top shelf, and the amount of anal exclusive content, unmatched. Look, I know Hustler has a shitload of cash to dish out to get hot porn stars and expensive HD cameras, but that is not the only reason this site won. Believe me, I meant it when I said that I would have liked to see one of the underdogs win. Hear me when I say that I would rather watch a real, all natural girl get devastated by cock much more than a famous porn star with fake tits who was doing it for the money and you can tell she would rather be somewhere else. It’s amount of content and the quality of the product that creates a winner. Do not ignore the other networks, they are all good, they just didn’t have what it takes to technically win this one. Read the full Anal Hookers Review »
And in conclusion the only real winner here was me, because I got off. I beat that Rocky Bal-Boner down like Apollo Creed, and trust me folks, this was no draw.